Do you struggle with New Year’s Resolutions? How often have you set a goal only to find that a few months have passed and you’ve already stopped pursuing it? It is so frustrating when this happens.
From my own experience, I wanted to add a new goal to my life each year. I wanted to read more books, put more time in at the gym, or add a new leadership skill to my talents. Things would be going along nicely for the first month, but by February, I was either overwhelmed or exhausted or both! I hadn’t considered that I needed to subtract, not add to my already chaotic life.
“To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract every day”
~ Lao Tzu
Lao-Tzu was a Chinese philosopher credited with authoring the infamous book the Tao-Te-Ching, translated as “The Way of Virtue.” His idea that we may gain more wisdom by subtracting from our lives instead of adding isn’t natural for us humans. We tend to want to add things to our lives to improve them. However, there’s research that makes a scientific argument about the importance of subtracting. For you left-brainers, you can find the study in Nature: People systematically overlook subtractive changes. The study concludes that people default to transformations that they feel will add to their lives and overlook modifications that will subtract from them.
If you are already overwhelmed and exhausted, try improving your life through subtraction rather than addition in the new year. Here are my suggestions for 7 Ways to improve your life through subtracting rather than adding:
- Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs are thoughts and stories we tell ourselves that we believe to be absolutely true and they limit or restrict us in some way. Some examples of limiting beliefs are I don’t deserve success, I don’t have time, I’m unlovable, or I’m not good enough. The next time you make an excuse, ask yourself if it’s true or a limiting belief. Get curious about where this belief came from, subtract it from your life and replace it with a more empowering belief.
- Negative Self-talk
Negative self-talk happens when an external circumstance happens to us, and we begin internalizing it by negatively talking to ourselves. These are often very subtle, and many people don’t recognize how negative they are to themselves. For example, imagine you’ve been given a project at work, and you immediately tell yourself I’m not smart enough to do this. What do you suppose happens? Start subtracting this from your life by listening to your inner talk. Simply being aware of your internal dialogue can create significant transformation.
- Responsibility
Being responsible means being dependable and accountable, which are admirable traits. Do you find yourself taking on other’s tasks? Or maybe when someone is angry, you assume it is because of something you did. Are you someone that over-apologizes? For the longest time, I felt like I had to show myself as a strong, independent woman who wasn’t needy and always kept my cool. I felt responsible for others’ feelings, blamed myself for their actions, and prioritized everyone’s needs above mine. No wonder I was overwhelmed! Start subtracting some of your over-responsibility from your life by understanding it isn’t your job to make other people happy or to manage their feelings for them.
- Overthinking
When you are faced with decisions in life, do you weigh all the options and try to make the most logical choice? If you spend hours thinking and pondering on decisions that create anxious thoughts and make yourself “sick,” you may be overthinking. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “trust your gut.” While the mind has roughly only 6,000 thoughts per day, the body constantly sends signals to the brain, often millions per day. Listening to your body’s physical sensations is the first step to finding buried emotions. So next time you make a decision, try listening for that “gut feeling” instead of what your mind tells you. See what happens.
- Social Obligation
How often do you feel guilty when you don’t want to go to an event or activity that someone invited you to? I struggled with this in the past. I would say yes even though I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it because I felt obligated. My calendar was already so full I would start feeling overwhelmed and wouldn’t be at my best. To start subtracting social obligations from your life, learn to say no. Saying no to certain things doesn’t mean you don’t care. Instead, it means you are honoring yourself and wanting to be the best for those around you.
- Three-Hour Friends
Someone I deeply respect taught me how to put my friends into buckets. There are three-minute, three-hour, three-week, and three-decade friends. The length corresponds to how much time you enjoy spending with your friend. If three-minute or three-hour friends are in your buckets, consider subtracting them from your life. Instead, surround yourself with three-decade friends that challenge you, stand by you, and honor the most authentic version of yourself. We all need growth friends that inspire, cheer and support us.
- Overspending
Ever wished you made more money or that your boss would give you that huge raise? Instead of wanting to add more money to your life, first, try to limit your overspending. When spending money on things you don’t need, consider that you are trying to “add” value to your life through external items. When seeking value through external objects, we often try to fill a need within us. Imagine what would be possible if you started subtracting overspending from your life.
In this new year, consider subtracting instead of trying to “add” more to your life. Why add more to your already existing full plate? Finding objective support from someone who can help you subtract these from your life makes a difference. Working with a coach can give you the support and guidance you need to improve your life.
